I have a trend in my lyrical writing. I write horribly depressing songs. This is something I have noticed in the past few years, but I am really starting to examine it now because the more I write these type of songs and lyrics, the more unlike myself they are.
This isn't to say that I don't like the songs I create. As hyper-critical as I am with myself, I feel that I have come up with some great musical and lyrical content. The sad and emotional things that come into being when I'm in my writing mode flow out so naturally and easily. I once read somewhere that although no one truly loves being sad and miserable, sad songs are always more unforgettable and relatable than happy ones because everyone knows how powerful sad and negative experiences can be. Maybe I just want to make an impact? Maybe a small part of all of us is always looking for a little drama? What do I know?
I can understand why the first few solid songs I wrote turned out the way they did. I went through a disaster-filled break up with my 5 year girlfriend. Naturally, the first few songs I cranked out, heavy and acoustic, were about her, our situation, and my self worth. Then that trend continued. I made up false scenarios, things I would consider tragic and BOOM - new awesome song.
I have tried to write a happy song, don't think that I haven't. The musical portion of this song had a neutral feel to it. Without lyrics, no one would be able to tell if it was going to be "sad" or "happy". Then came the lyrics - positive, reflective of my current state of being, hopeful. On paper, all the elements where there: verse, chorus, bridge, vocal flow, syllables, story line, etc. Then, it came time to record said lyrics. No matter how many takes, no matter how many lyrical edits... it just didn't feel right. I decided to give a few days and come back to it later. No luck. So I took the tried and true approach... BOOM - new awesome song! What the fuck man??
I would consider myself to be a very positive person. Like most, if not all of us, I have had very difficult times in my life and it's even safe to say I have down right hated myself for most of my teenage and adult life. Maybe I'm not over some of those feelings? Maybe there are lingering feelings of self-hatred and low self-esteem? Or, maybe I'm just a damn passionate person??
Anyway, I always wish to have an answer for myself when I write reflectively like this. I have this fantasy that at the end of any journal or blog entry, I'll have answers for myself, but, of course, it never turns out that way. Maybe I'll write a song about it.
